“Why Apple CEO Tim Cook Met With Valve” (we actually have no idea…)

Cult of Mac is low hanging fruit for misanthropes. If you’re ever feeling too up and happy, simply go to their web site and some egregious example of bad journalism, awful writing, muddle headed thinking and just plain rampant stupidity will jump up and send you into a murderous rage which, quite frankly, some of us deal with better than relentless perkiness. Today is no different.

With a headline of “Why Apple CEO Tim Cook Met With Valve [Exclusive]“, you smack your lips in anticipation of yet another dumb CoM article full of bad information and poor writing. It doesn’t disappoint.

Let’s start with the “[Exclusive]” in the headline. Really? As you wander around the web, make note of which sites use that in their headlines. It’s a pretty accurate pointer to a web site that is trying to be more important than it deserves to be, has an inferiority complex and is trying way too hard to get noticed by Techmeme.

An unconfirmed report surfaced yesterday saying that Apple CEO Tim Cook was spotted at Valve’s headquarters in Bellevue, Washington. Whenever Cook is spotted out and about, people take notice. The CEO of the world’s most valuable company doesn’t personally visit other tech companies to simply have a chat.

Maybe Cook was just asking for directions. I’ve been to Bellevue – it’s kinda confusing to drive around. And the only people who “take notice” when Cook is spotted in the wild is the media. Average people couldn’t give a rat’s ass but the media seems to take every sighting as if it were a rare white rhino somehow spotted roaming the vast plains of Palo Alto.

And how the hell does CoM know that Cook doesn’t just pop in to other companies to have a chat? Jobs did it all the time. As a matter of fact, I once spotted him in the Turkish Baths in Vancouver, BC – a story he swore me to secrecy until after his death….

But CoM knows because they have “sources” – obviously, highly connected ones that know the intimate details of this very secret project and the details of what Cook discussed with the people at Valve. So – what was discussed?

According to sources to Cult of Mac, Apple is working on a television set with an iTunes-integrated touch screen remote and Siri-like voice command technology. The TV set will be coming before the end of 2012. Our sources also say that Apple’s television set will come with an Apple-branded, Kinect-like video game console. The interface will rely heavily on motion and touch controls.

Are you kidding me? All that buildup just to trot out the same old rumor? CoM sources just repeat what every other “source” at every other web site has said. Repeating the obvious doesn’t make you a source – it makes you a parrot.

But, as always, there’s a kicker. The second to last paragraph has this line:

We don’t know the exact details of why Tim Cook met with Valve…

Wait….WHAT? Talk about burying the lede! So, when your headline said, “Why Cook met with Valve”, you were just pulling our leg, right? The headline you actually wanted to write was, “We have no Clue why Cook met with Valve (or frankly, much of a clue about anything) but We thought We’d gin up a Sexy Headline, Mix in some Old Crock of Shit Rumors, toss in a Dash of History and Voila! Serve Our Readers a Shit Sandwich with Light Mayo….”

That’s the headline they should have written.

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